A Moment that took 50 years to make.

 

 

I hope all my blogger friends (and other friends, of course), will stop scrolling and share this moment with me.
I have been in love with books for longer than I can remember. As a small child I was mesmerized by stories and the written word. Most toddlers had blocks and crayons. I had books. My favorite game was teaching my siblings to read.

 

 

I had a notebook in the 70’s that was decorated in tie-dye and peace signs. This is where I recorded my poetry. I was ten.
I won essay contests in high school.
Through marriage(s) and babies and struggles, I kept a journal. Writing has always been my connection back to myself.
I have never been without a library card. Books have been my lifeline for hope, instruction, inspiration, and escapism. I won’t go into detail here, but my journey has had long stretches of darkness, despair, and depression.
My situation was not improved by the reminder (hovering in the back of my mind), that I was made for something better. One day I will be a writer. One day I will be the person I was meant to be.
How could I have guessed that the pain and suffering would lead to my search for healing, to recovery, to my beautiful life, and ultimately a book.
I stood in my little kitchen today and took a deep breath before slicing the packing tape away from an ordinary Amazon box.
I held this little book in my shaking hands and wept. It might not look like much to most people, but to me it is a miracle.

 

I want to tell that woman of just a few years ago that things will change. I want to tell the woman I was, the woman who thinks every day about suicide and carries the kind of pain that takes away the breath and wraps the world in black fog. I want to tell her that one day she will be okay. One day she will share her story to help herself and others. One day she will be at peace with her life. One day she will hold in her hands a published book with her name on it.
We talk a lot about gratitude in my circles, but that is not a big enough word for what I feel. I’m am so overcome with thankfulness for my journey. The good, the bad, the wretched and the miraculous were all working together for my good.
This book is a little collection of things that I learned on my way into the sunshine. It is a do-it-yourself guide to happiness. It is the record of my miracle. It is cliché to say that all my steps have brought me to this point. It sounds like a fortune cookie until you can see it for real, unfolding in your open hands.
This is not a promo for the book. Of course I want to sell the book, but more than anything, I want it to fall into the hands of someone who is suffering.
Mostly, right now, in this moment, I want it to be just between us, because I feel the universe shifting. I feel like no one will get this like fellow writers. This is one of those moments that a person never forgets. I’m glad I could share it with you.
God bless you all!
Love and blessings!

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